The history of my addiction & recovery

I am a Korean Adoptee, that was adopted by a childless American couple at 9 1/2 months old. I never formed a bond with them, and even though they’d probably never openly admit it, I believe they also struggled with forming a true parent-child bond with me.

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As an adult who is now a parent, looking back, I will say that they had unrealistic expectations and were overly critical of me. They were “religious” to the highest extreme and used their religious beliefs to control my every thought & move. Both parents were egocentric and narcissistic.

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Around age 4, I started displaying signs of mental illness. I was a highly stressed, worry-prone and anxious child. I would break out in hives often and my O.C.D. started to disrupt my life while I was in Kindergarten.

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I was sexually abused by age 5, by a non-family member, but didn’t feel safe to tell anyone. The physical and emotional/mental abuse began at home around the same time. I suffered silently. I always felt different. I always felt alone. I always felt like something was missing. I desperately sought out a connection with others but did not know how to create & maintain a healthy relationship, since I had never experienced love or connection with anyone. I so badly wanted to fit in, but as an adoptee, my life was one big identity crisis.

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I’m an 80’s kid who grew up when the “Just Say No” ad campaign & the U.S. “War on Drugs” was most prevalent.  What I learned at school, was reinforced at home. I was told to say no to drugs and not to fall to peer pressure, but there was never any real education as to what drugs I would come in contact with and why I should say no, other than you would “fry your brain” as taught via the popular video that showed an egg frying in a frying pan. I have always been a curious person. I always searched for certainty and facts. To be honest, it just made me more curious.

I smoked my first cigarette at age 12. I was scared & it really wasn’t a pleasant experience, but I remember feeling this rush of excitement as I did something on my own free will. I remember feeling cool. I remember feeling in control for once in my life.

At age 13, I was offered Marijuana for the first time. I didn’t feel pressured and since I had never been given any substantial reason to say no, other than I would get in trouble. I said decided to try it and see what it was really about. The first time I got high, I felt like I was floating. I was numb to the pain & stress I had felt my entire life. It was a great feeling. It was like a mental vacation for me. I couldn’t understand why they said drugs were so bad because I felt relief for the first time.

After that, I got addicted to the feeling – the thrill of doing something I wasn’t supposed to, feeling like I belonged to the “in-crowd” and having an escape. Pot led to experimenting with alcohol. I got braver and started drinking during lunch while I was in high school. I thought that I was cool and that my friends & boys would like me better.

I could no longer endure the abuse & the terms in which I was living in so left home at age 15. It felt good to be free and be free, but being on my own at that young age came with so many more challenges and A LOT of guilt from my parents.

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I started drinking every night. I had a milk crate full of hard liquor. I would spend my weekends drinking a 12-pack of Budweiser along with a fifth of Jose Cuervo. This led to so many poor choices revolving around men, getting involved with the wrong crowds and heavier use.

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My drug and alcohol use came to a screeching halt when I found out I was pregnant with my first child at age 18, but it didn’t take long to return to using alcohol to numb the pain. I struggled with an off-and-on relationship with drugs and became more dependent on alcohol as the years flew by. Drugs and alcohol only provided a temporary fix to my mental anguish and false happiness but left me with a history of bad decisions, failures and a lot of shame. Recreational drug use became habitual drug use. The problem was that I was a functioning drug addict. No one knew. I still went to work. I still took care of my responsibilities. I was a “highly functional druggie”. I could hold conversations, perform my job duties higher than a kite and no one could ever tell. I felt even more in control of my life, knowing that I could find relief to my pain, overcome my social anxiety, and hide what a mess I truly was.

In 2012, I found myself completely lost once again, back at rock bottom and that is when I stumbled across someone and something that would change my life. I found Becky Brossett who introduced me to fitness. I found a new crowd, which consisted of people who were positive, high achievers and pushed me to be a much better version of myself. I started taking care of myself and stopped smoking and stopped drinking. I started overcoming my past. I started to become a better person and forgive myself for the mistakes I had made in the past. I realized I did the best that I could with what I had. I started helping others, which helped me heal myself. The downside to that was that I started to lose myself in others problems. I started to become more of a people pleaser and found myself neglecting my needs to try to fix others. I also had found a new sense of confidence and started digging into my adoption. Searching for my birth family, connecting with other Korean Adoptees and taking a DNA test unlocked some doors that had never been opened and I found myself in a deep dark depression. I tried to ignore it and my drinking became heavier and heavier. Feeling numb to my pain became the thing I searched out the most.

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To order your DNA kit, click on this link.

Mid-2015, everything came crashing down around me. 2 days after my sons 5th birthday, on June 9th, I found myself facing my 3rd divorce as my husband of 6 years and I were separated and my 2 oldest children moved in with their Dad. I was homeless, living in someone else’s home on an air mattress with my son. I had hit rock bottom once again and couldn’t find any reason to pick myself back up again. I didn’t have the strength.

After a life-changing event, my husband started an intense out-patient treatment program to treat his PTSD. He started to find peace and answers to his problems. He kept encouraging me to do the same as he learned more about mental illness, realizing he had missed all the signs I had displayed for the 8+ years we had been together.

Finally, at the end of August 2015, I checked myself into the same mental health facility, as an inpatient. The day I  voluntarily checked myself in, I was suicidal and completely hopeless & lost.

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7 days later, I was discharged with a new mindset, new lease on life and a new set of coping skills. I continued treatment as an inpatient for several weeks. While in therapy, it became apparent to the therapists that I had formed a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol and was still abusing it as a coping mechanism. I was encouraged to take a look at my behavior and make a decision to change it. It was also pointed out that my anxiety and depression medications became less effective with alcohol consumption.

I wasn’t ready to admit that I had a problem, but by the end of September, I stopped ignoring how much control alcohol had over my life and how it was negatively affecting my life. I set the goal to only drink 5 times in the month of October. I reserved my “partying time” for the end of October because I had plans to visit Miami for a few days.

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When we arrived in Miami, it was customary to party with our Floridian friends and we were there to celebrate a friends achievement and it just happened to be my husbands 39th birthday. On October 24, 2015, we started drinking early, pre-gaming before the event that began at 5 p.m. We started with beer and red-bull and vodka since we knew we had to stay awake because we had planned to have an after-party at Scarlett’s, our favorite Club in Miami. We continued to drink bottle after bottle of Grey Goose from 5 until we arrived at the Club. (I can’t even remember when we arrived at the Club because I was already so wasted.) I have very limited memory of the time spent at the Club. We left around 2 a.m., but I don’t remember even leaving, although there was a picture of me awake as we waited for the car from the Valet. The next morning I woke up feeling disoriented and not fully aware of my actions from the night before. I felt so much shame and regret. I could not think coherently. I felt brain dead. I declared once and for all on my friends couch that I didn’t ever want to feel this way again. I shared on Facebook that I made the decision to get sober.

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I have not had a sip of alcohol since around 2 a.m the morning of October 25, 2015. It hasn’t been easy, but I believe getting sober was the best birthday present I could ever give my husband and the best gift I could give my children and myself.

Getting sober has been challenging in ways I never imagined. It has been humbling & extremely eye-opening on so many levels. I have had to learn who the real me is for the first time in my life. I have had to create new habits and routines. I have had to re-evaluate relationships I had. I have had to 100% feel all the feelings that I had ignored and avoided my whole life. I have had to rediscover how to do everything sober. I have had to remind myself nearly every day why I can never go back to drinking..because that one drink today would easily become a case of beer, maybe not in a month, but most definitely within 6 months.

I have held myself publicly accountable and shared my journey openly since day 1, which at first, much to my surprise inspired and influenced others to take a look at their relationship with alcohol and decide to start their sobriety journey too. If it weren’t for the sober community, which turns out to be bigger and more supportive than I ever imagined, I could not have made it as far as I have. I am thankful for everyone who has supported me and kept me inspired along my journey to staying 100% sober. I now can say I am truly living life to its fullest and all my fears that I felt regarding sobriety were completely invalid.

Because of this, I have decided to pursue a Life Coach and Recovery Coach Certification so I can continue to pay it forward.

If you are reading this story and any of it resonates with you, let’s connect. You are not alone. We are not alone. If I can get sober, anyone can. I promise it’s worth it.

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My Interview

I was contacted by TheNativeSociety.com and asked to give an interview.  TheNativeSociety.com serves to connect inspirational content with aspirational readers. They have over 3,000 interviews to date.

I wanted to share with my readers. [Click on this link to visit the Native Society and view my interview]

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What do I do best?
I feel that the thing I do best is I listen and my strength is that I have a good intuition when it comes to people. People come to me for advice because they know I will be honest and forthright with them. People know I have a heart that wants to help, so they often share their problems with me, looking for my insight into their situation.
Part of what makes me an excellent listener is my intuition, but I also ask a lot of questions whenever I am getting to know someone. My goal is never to just be an acquaintance, but to really get to know you and hopefully become one of your closest friends.

If you were to meet me, at first you might not think I am capable of being a good listener.  Living with A.D.D. since childhood I am known to be incredibly impulsive, by randomly blurting out whatever is on my mind. I am a chronic interrupter and almost always switch gears mid-conversation. You would think that these behaviors would impair my ability to listen. My mind seems to have a million thoughts flooding through it every minute. My mind is able to process several things at once, which is why I interrupt a lot.  I am ridiculously observant and attentive, for what appears to be someone who has a short attention span. I also have the gift of remembering things about people and things they have said.

Since I was a toddler, my memory and ability to observe even the slightest changes in an instant, always shocked & impressed adults. I consider myself a great people-person, although I have struggled with relationships my entire life, I believe due to being an adoptee, who was raised by narcissistic adoptive parents. I have always been able to observe people’s behaviors, mannerisms, and body language and be able to tell a lot about them just from observing them. It was part of my survival instincts so to speak. I have always been a very curious person, so it is quite common to find me, asking a stranger tons of questions, that may appear to others that I am interrogating them, but it is just my way of getting to know them, assessing them and the best part is, 99% of the time, people will tell you that I am easy to open up to and easy to trust. I remember every detail about someone’s life and stories they’ve told me. What my husband describes me as “getting into people’s heads”, is what I describe it as “drawing people out”. Strangers open up to me, tell me their troubles, secrets, stories they’ve never told out loud. I love to help people. I love to make them feel like they matter, are important and I love to help people.

What makes me the best version of myself?
I’ve been called stubborn and headstrong all my life. I used to think that was a bad thing, until I learned that what people labeled as stubborn and headstrong was really just RELENTLESSNESS. When the world is going left, I have always been the one to ask “WHY?” and if it didn’t make sense to me, I would go right. As a child I was asked why I always had to go against the grain. One would say that I marched to the beat of my own drum. I was called bossy. I didn’t understand what they meant when I was a child, but now as an adult I realize, that I was just paving my own way.  I was a leader, who people tried to force in a box. I am a rule follower UNLESS the rule makes no sense. If an explanation cannot be provided, then the rebel in me comes out. I have embraced who I am and trust my intuition and that it will lead me on the right path. My relentlessness has been my guiding force, that has kept me from giving up, no matter how hard the challenges were that I faced.

What are my aspirations?
Growing up my only aspiration was to “be happy”. As a young adult, I thought that happiness meant making others happy, but now as an adult who has put a lot of work in to my own personal growth, I now know that I am in control of my happiness and the first person who’s happiness, matters is my own. I aspire to live a long, happy and healthy life and to see my children succeed at being happy with who they are and doing what they love. Professionally, my goals are to publish 2 books, one about my life as a Korean Adoptee and one about my sobriety journey that began in October 2015. (I currently am working on the start of my first book). I plan on staying in the health and fitness industry as a coach, but want to expand what I do to include life-coaching, helping people get out of their own way, by discovering their limiting beliefs that have sabotaged their success and happiness. And my ultimate goal is to become a “Motivational Speaker”. I want to share my story and continue to inspire others to believe in themselves.


My Biggest Success?
My biggest success has been my sobriety. It took a lot of self-reflection, self-awareness, humility, and vulnerability to make the decision to get sober in October 2015, after years of dealing with many forms of addiction (including drug and unhealthy, codependent relationships). I have shared my journey from day 1 and it’s helped me stay accountable as well as help others who desire to become free from their addictions. It’s been a challenging yet eye-opening journey, but it has been worth every step.

My Most Challenging Moment?
I have had many challenging moments in my life, but one of the hardest things I have had to overcome was my alcohol addiction. I chose to get sober on October 25, 2015, which I should have done sooner. It has not been an easy journey and it has been full of obstacles that I didn’t foresee, but it has been 100% worth it. It’s been an uphill battle recreating my routines in a life absent of alcohol. After years of drugs and alcohol addiction, partying became part of my identity and my whole life began to revolve around it, so I have had to reestablish new routines, new friendships and get to know the real me. The blessings and rewards that have come with sobriety far outweigh the challenges that I have faced.


My Motto?
These are my CORE PRINCIPLES – the mantra’s that I live by, the non-negotiables in my life that have become my code of conduct as I have matured and found my purpose.

• Always look for the good in others & always look for the life lesson, no matter how hopeless a situation feels, because there is ALWAYS a silver lining.

• Be honest ALWAYS. Have integrity ALWAYS. ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING!

• Do not give up. Be RELENTLESS. Where there’s a will there’s a way. There isn’t anything you can’t fix!

• Forgive, even if you weren’t asked to. Always apologize!

• Continue to go left when the rest of the world is going right. There is nothing wrong with that! Be YOU, unapologetically YOU!
My Favorite People/Role Models?
As a child, I had no role models. I didn’t know anyone who was successful. I didn’t think that I would or could ever be successful. I didn’t have any role models,  until l I started working on myself in 2012. I started diving into “personal development’ books, courses, and seminars and started studying successful people. I have “mentors” who have greatly impacted my life. Becky Brossett, who introduced me to fitness and thinking BIG was my first role model, that I found at age 31 and to date, is still one of my favorite people. Well known, “motivational speakers” Craig Holiday and Dani Johnson are who made me a believer of investing in myself and helped me see that my past mistakes and failures did not inhibit my ability to succeed, only mind mindset stood in the way. Many other motivational speakers and authors, such as John C. Maxwell, Brene Brown and Charlene Johnson have had a great impact on my mindset and life. But my top 2 favorite people who I look up to the most are Tony Robbins and Carl Daikeler (CEO of Beachbody). These two men have integrity that I highly respect. Their hearts are incredible. They inspire me to be a better person.

My Favorite Places/Destinations?
I haven’t traveled the world, but I have been to many “tropical” destinations, such as Hawaii, Cancun, Cozumel, The Dominican Republic, The Grand Cayman, The Bahamas and Jamaica, but my all-time favorite vacation destination is Destin, Florida. It is where my husband & I honeymooned. It is where we have vacationed kidless and as a family. I love the water and sand & food there. I couldn’t live there, but I could easily vacation there several times a year.

My Favorite Products/Objects?
The one materialistic item that I would not want to live without are my iPhone and MacBook Air. It is how I stay connected with the world. They are tools that give me a voice and the ability to reach many worldwide, sharing my story. They are how I operate my business. And truth be told, I am a sucker for Apple products.

My Current Passion?
My passion has always been people: seeking out love & connection and helping others. For the past 5 1/2 years, fitness has become something I am deeply passionate about as well. My recreation for the majority of my adult life was centered around my social life, a life of partying. Since getting sober, I have found a passion for paddle boarding. I love being on the water. And I love fitness. I feel like paddle boarding is a great mix of relaxation and provides a great workout. I have become a little obsessed with it and tying new things, now that I am sober.

 

If you are reading this and would like to connect, you can find me at www.fb.com/coachmindyhord or www.ig.com/sobermommovement or www.youtube.com/mindyhord or by email at coachmhord@gmail.com.

5 Reasons Why

5 Reasons Why

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5 Reasons Why to Get Sober

Let’s do something fun today!

I love this exercise. It is good to do to remind yourself of how far you’ve come and a great exercise when the cravings and temptations become unreal.

Let’s list 5 things that you thought you’d miss, the things you feel you had to “sacrifice” (or let’s use the word limit) because of your lifestyle change AND then list 5 things you have to gain (or maybe have already gained!) from this getting sober! I bet we’ll all see how much more we have to gain than what we’ve given up 🙂 Excited to see these!

1 • I was afraid I’d be no fun & be boring
2 • I was afraid I’d lose my friends
3 • I was afraid I’d have no social life
4 • I was afraid I’d lose my identity
5 • I was afraid people would make fun of me

Turns out that I didn’t know how to have fun without alcohol, but I’ve spent the past 700 days trying new things, stepping outside of my comfort zone and doing things the old drunk-Mindy would have never considered doing. I am far from boring. Looking back, doing the same thing [getting smashed every weekend] over and over was the definition of boring. I lost people in my life and my social life changed, but it just reinforced who was my real friend who truly cared if I got better and supported me. I did lose part of my identity, but I didn’t lose who I was, I just lost a “security blanket” which caused me to work hard to find my self and learn who I was, which I like a whole lot better than party-girl-Mindy. Only one person has made fun of me to my face and called me boring, but when it was said, I just laughed because I had just came back from Los Angeles where I attended Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within where you are pushed WAY out of your comfort zone in an arena of nearly 10k people, pushing past their limiting beliefs and Hawaii, where I met new people, tried new food, flew in a helicopter for the first time and since then I have been out of the country where I snorkeled in Punta Cana, swam with stingrays and sharks and just recently I went skydiving…to me, those are not things someone who is boring would do.. But then again “boring” is subjective, depending on the persons perspective. I know see, doing the same thing, being found at the same place weekend after weekend [my old life], is what I consider boring.

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What I have gained since getting sober 700 days ago:

1 • More time now that I am spending less time getting drunk or recovering from a hangover
2 • More money now that I am not buying beer every day and then spending my money foolishly while under the influence.
3 • I make better decisions
4 • My relationships with my family members have improved now that I am not always tired/irritable from recovering from a hangover and now that they get my full attention vs. alcohol getting my attention
5 • I take better care of myself and respect my body and have a sense of pride that I have never felt before

……..And I have met a TON of new people who are part of the sobriety community that inspires me daily and helps keep me accountable to my goal of staying sober. To join my private group, click on this link. 

If you are reading this we should definitely connect on Social Media – You can find me on Facebook, Instagram or YouTube

One book that has greatly helped me, that I recently was gifted by Sarah Ordo is Sober As F**K. I highly recommend it. Click here to order your copy.