Happy Sober Anniversary to Me!

I will never forget my sobriety date: October 25th.
Why? Because it’s my husbands birthday.

Today he celebrates his 41st birthday and today I celebrate the greatest gift I could have given him, our marriage, our family and our future – MY SOBRIETY!

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When I decided to get sober I was scared.
I was scared that people would laugh at me, abandon me, think I was a sell out to my old lifestyle and that I’d be all alone in my battle against my addiction.

It turns out that I was wrong. DEAD WRONG.

I have had nothing but support from old friends and lots of new friends.

Let’s just say that the sober community is a lot more supportive than party friends.

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I walked outside earlier to find a delivery 📦 box. I opened it up and found this gorgeous bouquet and a loving message from my dearest friend Jennifer. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️


My best friend, sober sister and business partner, Melissa, posted this amazing picture of us from last October when she was 30 days sober and we were attending an event in Coronado Bay, together SOBER for the first time, along with this sweet message. 

“Sober people are boring.

Sober people are lame.

Sober people get left out.

Thoughts we both shared.

Fears we both shared.

When I “met” Mindy Hord in 2013, I was instantly drawn to her party girl nature. She had a tagline about being fit and drinking beer…. Hello, I loved beer, I needed to be fit…. it was genius to me!

I got to know her through the Internet… And we’ve become the best of friends… Two years ago today she made a decision that would not only impact her life but her children’s as well… I’ve always been inspired by her strength and knew that this woman could do anything that she said her mind to… The road to Sobriety can sometimes be lonely… She was one of the first people I called when I made the decision to get sober…. I watched her for a whole year and thought how STRONG she was…..she had been there for many conversations about me quitting drinking before but I never got serious about it… Shes work hard on finding her way, I’ve seen her grow in ways she may not even realize…..She’s been a friend, a sister, A mentor, and a pillar of hope on my journey….I’m honored to know her, to share so many incredible milestones and memories with her that we remember and don’t have to delete any sloppy pictures … I’m proud to say we aren’t boring at all! How lucky are we to have such a special friendship that empowers one another to be our absolute BEST!

Next week we will meet in Las Vegas… AKA in City and be toasting our sparkling waters to the success of our teams and celebrating huge milestones in our sobriety… Congrats my friend I am beyond proud of you two years is MAJOR!!!

You continue to empower others to make changes in their lives just by being your authentic RELENTLESS self.”

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Today marks 2 years since I decided to break up with alcohol.

I grew up in a household where alcohol was always present. We had a liquor cabinet in our house. My Mom always drank wine. My paternal grandparents had a liquor cabinet and always brought alcohol on every trip they took me on. My grandpa brewed his own beer. My parents and grandparents loved visiting wineries & going on wine tastings… living in the wine country in Northern California it was normal. I remember alcohol being ordered every time we ate out. I remember finding alcohol stashed in the medicine cabinet of my maternal grandma. I remember my dad always joking that it was 🍺 Beer:30. I remember my Mom making wine coolers & letting me taste it. I remember taking sips off of my grandpas’ beer. Yet I don’t remember seeing any of them “drunk”, but I distinctly remember the times when I knew they had “had too much”.

I think back on all of the times I drank and drank to excess in front of my kids and wonder how it’ll affect them in the long run. All I know is that they were monumental in my decision to get sober.

 

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Today is day 731 of my sobriety journey…
I can’t believe it’s been exactly 2 years since I declared my DECISION to get 100% sober.
It was a decision that I had put a lot of thought into.
But, I had put more thought into talking myself out of it.
I was so comfortable being numb. 
It was terrifying to let go of a security blanket I had been holding on to since I was a teenager.
I started drinking REGULARLY at age 15 when I left home on December 2, 1996. 20 years later on October 25, 2017, I finally parted ways with the most toxic and longest relationship I had maintained.

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Teen drinking is very bad.
It’s just a start to a lifetime of bad habits.
Luckily, my children don’t want to have a relationship with alcohol or drugs after hearing my story and being affected by my poor choices.
Although I’m not proud of my past or my mistakes, I’d gladly do it all over again if it meant that I’d deal with the pain and regret to shield my kids from making the same bad decisions.

 

As I was going through old pictures this week, I found all of these old pictures that represent the old me. I am wearing a fake smile in many. I may appear awake, but I was dead inside. I was there in body, but totally not present. I appeared to be the life of the party, but I was totally numb.

Around 1-2 a.m. on this day, 2 years ago, after HOURS of drinking and countless beers, several bottles of Grey Goose and whiskey, I was leaving a club in Miami, totally incoherent, totally sloppy drunk. I still don’t remember having anything that happened past midnight that night.

After a few hours of sleep, I woke up, feeling brain dead and made the declaration of my need to get sober. I shouted it out to the universe to make it real and held myself publicly accountable because it wasn’t the first time I had said I was going to get sober.

October has always been a memorable and monumental month for me.

On October 20, 1981, I entered the United States of America for the first time. On the 21st, I was handed over to strangers. On the 22nd, I was brought into a new house, that I was to call “home”.

On October 23, 2008, I was proposed to for the first time and agreed to marry my best friend who’s birthday was 2 days later and agreed to become officially “step-mom” to Hunter who’s birthday was on the 24th.

So now October 25 has become extra special. It’s not only the day the love of my life was born but today it marks TWO YEARS of SOBRIETY.

731 days of fighting old habits, old behaviors, old routines, old addictions.
731 days of celebrations. Every day I found something to celebrate and focused on the things I COULD do that I never did or couldn’t or wouldn’t do if I had still been drinking.
731 days of inner struggles.
731 days being counted one day at a time.
731 days of learning who the REAL Mindy Hord is.
731 days of CLARITY.
731 days of MINIMAL “arguments” with Ryan.
731 days of being FULLY present.

Turns out I am fun. Turns out I don’t need to have a drink to have fun. Turns out I can say no to social gatherings I don’t wanna attend vs getting buzzed in order for me to go. Turns out there are more sober people than I ever knew existed because I used to avoid people like “that”. They made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t understand them and didn’t want to. Turns out a once party girl, can turn her whole life around and inspire others to choose to look at alcohol differently and even start their own sobriety journey!

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From 🍺 booze-hound to 💦 happy & hydrated in 725 days!

7 2 6 Days

1 year

11 months

3 weeks

4 days

103 weeks + 5 days

62,726,400 seconds

1,045,440 minutes

17,424 hours

………………………. since I took my last sip of alcohol!

It’s funny how you outgrow what you once thought you couldn’t live without.

It’s funny how you don’t miss what once was part of your identity.

It’s funny how you can get A D D I C T E D to the feeling of having your SHIT TOGETHER!

It’s funny how I used to be a bad influence. I was the instigator. It’s funny how I used to be THE PARTY GIRL! I was the WILD CHILD! It’s funny how I used to be the person who made fun of sober people because they made me feel uncomfortable. I was an instigator and feared those who I felt were judging me

It’s funny how I’m now an advocate for SOBRIETY. It’s funny how no one has ever tried to make me feel uncomfortable like I used to do to others.

It’s funny how I’m still fun & haven’t lost my wild side. Turns out I didn’t need alcohol to be me.

It’s funny how my priorities have changed, my social circle, my interests and the way I live have changed. It’s funny how much my life has changed as I’ve come to accept the real me and learned how to navigate through my emotions.

From 🍺 booze-hound to 💦 happy & hydrated in 725 days … if I can do it, so can you.

All you need is :

• a strong desire & reason to change

• leverage – what you’ll lose if you don’t change

• a new habit [positive] to replace your addiction

• a vision – what your life will be like because you decided to change your lifestyle & the way your story is written

• a Support system + accountability

• a strong mindset which can be achieved through personal development

I was so excited to go to the Butcher’s Ball with my husband on Sunday.

But…I knew that I’d be in the environment that I used to love … music, food and alcohol. I purposely shared on social media first thing that morning that it was my 102nd sober Sunday to hold me accountable.

When we got there, the weather was right, the smell of the BBQ pits brought back old memories, there was alcohol everywhere and there was a Bloody Mary station. Bloody Mary’s on a Sunday used to be my jam. Then I saw a pineapple 🍍 with a fruity drink in it. It made me want one. Not the alcohol, but the cute drink in the pineapple.

It would have been so easy to drink. Not because I wanted or needed to be drunk, not because I miss alcohol or drinking, but out of habit and trying to recreate the feeling of connection, being carefree and uninhibited.

There was tons of new people. The best part was that it was people we didn’t know and didn’t know us. We had fun together and I had an incredible time sober. I realized that I can have fun at events where there is temptation and that I can enjoy myself with my husband and feel the same way without alcohol.

As the event went on and people had been drinking for 6+ hours, I was reminded of how good it was to be sober.

Some people think I shouldn’t talk so openly about my sobriety or past battles with drugs and alcohol or my mental illness… but I don’t care… talking about it holds me accountable, is therapeutic and helps connect me with others that help me stay on the path I’ve chosen because it’s best for me.

The history of my addiction & recovery

I am a Korean Adoptee, that was adopted by a childless American couple at 9 1/2 months old. I never formed a bond with them, and even though they’d probably never openly admit it, I believe they also struggled with forming a true parent-child bond with me.

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As an adult who is now a parent, looking back, I will say that they had unrealistic expectations and were overly critical of me. They were “religious” to the highest extreme and used their religious beliefs to control my every thought & move. Both parents were egocentric and narcissistic.

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Around age 4, I started displaying signs of mental illness. I was a highly stressed, worry-prone and anxious child. I would break out in hives often and my O.C.D. started to disrupt my life while I was in Kindergarten.

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I was sexually abused by age 5, by a non-family member, but didn’t feel safe to tell anyone. The physical and emotional/mental abuse began at home around the same time. I suffered silently. I always felt different. I always felt alone. I always felt like something was missing. I desperately sought out a connection with others but did not know how to create & maintain a healthy relationship, since I had never experienced love or connection with anyone. I so badly wanted to fit in, but as an adoptee, my life was one big identity crisis.

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I’m an 80’s kid who grew up when the “Just Say No” ad campaign & the U.S. “War on Drugs” was most prevalent.  What I learned at school, was reinforced at home. I was told to say no to drugs and not to fall to peer pressure, but there was never any real education as to what drugs I would come in contact with and why I should say no, other than you would “fry your brain” as taught via the popular video that showed an egg frying in a frying pan. I have always been a curious person. I always searched for certainty and facts. To be honest, it just made me more curious.

I smoked my first cigarette at age 12. I was scared & it really wasn’t a pleasant experience, but I remember feeling this rush of excitement as I did something on my own free will. I remember feeling cool. I remember feeling in control for once in my life.

At age 13, I was offered Marijuana for the first time. I didn’t feel pressured and since I had never been given any substantial reason to say no, other than I would get in trouble. I said decided to try it and see what it was really about. The first time I got high, I felt like I was floating. I was numb to the pain & stress I had felt my entire life. It was a great feeling. It was like a mental vacation for me. I couldn’t understand why they said drugs were so bad because I felt relief for the first time.

After that, I got addicted to the feeling – the thrill of doing something I wasn’t supposed to, feeling like I belonged to the “in-crowd” and having an escape. Pot led to experimenting with alcohol. I got braver and started drinking during lunch while I was in high school. I thought that I was cool and that my friends & boys would like me better.

I could no longer endure the abuse & the terms in which I was living in so left home at age 15. It felt good to be free and be free, but being on my own at that young age came with so many more challenges and A LOT of guilt from my parents.

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I started drinking every night. I had a milk crate full of hard liquor. I would spend my weekends drinking a 12-pack of Budweiser along with a fifth of Jose Cuervo. This led to so many poor choices revolving around men, getting involved with the wrong crowds and heavier use.

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My drug and alcohol use came to a screeching halt when I found out I was pregnant with my first child at age 18, but it didn’t take long to return to using alcohol to numb the pain. I struggled with an off-and-on relationship with drugs and became more dependent on alcohol as the years flew by. Drugs and alcohol only provided a temporary fix to my mental anguish and false happiness but left me with a history of bad decisions, failures and a lot of shame. Recreational drug use became habitual drug use. The problem was that I was a functioning drug addict. No one knew. I still went to work. I still took care of my responsibilities. I was a “highly functional druggie”. I could hold conversations, perform my job duties higher than a kite and no one could ever tell. I felt even more in control of my life, knowing that I could find relief to my pain, overcome my social anxiety, and hide what a mess I truly was.

In 2012, I found myself completely lost once again, back at rock bottom and that is when I stumbled across someone and something that would change my life. I found Becky Brossett who introduced me to fitness. I found a new crowd, which consisted of people who were positive, high achievers and pushed me to be a much better version of myself. I started taking care of myself and stopped smoking and stopped drinking. I started overcoming my past. I started to become a better person and forgive myself for the mistakes I had made in the past. I realized I did the best that I could with what I had. I started helping others, which helped me heal myself. The downside to that was that I started to lose myself in others problems. I started to become more of a people pleaser and found myself neglecting my needs to try to fix others. I also had found a new sense of confidence and started digging into my adoption. Searching for my birth family, connecting with other Korean Adoptees and taking a DNA test unlocked some doors that had never been opened and I found myself in a deep dark depression. I tried to ignore it and my drinking became heavier and heavier. Feeling numb to my pain became the thing I searched out the most.

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To order your DNA kit, click on this link.

Mid-2015, everything came crashing down around me. 2 days after my sons 5th birthday, on June 9th, I found myself facing my 3rd divorce as my husband of 6 years and I were separated and my 2 oldest children moved in with their Dad. I was homeless, living in someone else’s home on an air mattress with my son. I had hit rock bottom once again and couldn’t find any reason to pick myself back up again. I didn’t have the strength.

After a life-changing event, my husband started an intense out-patient treatment program to treat his PTSD. He started to find peace and answers to his problems. He kept encouraging me to do the same as he learned more about mental illness, realizing he had missed all the signs I had displayed for the 8+ years we had been together.

Finally, at the end of August 2015, I checked myself into the same mental health facility, as an inpatient. The day I  voluntarily checked myself in, I was suicidal and completely hopeless & lost.

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7 days later, I was discharged with a new mindset, new lease on life and a new set of coping skills. I continued treatment as an inpatient for several weeks. While in therapy, it became apparent to the therapists that I had formed a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol and was still abusing it as a coping mechanism. I was encouraged to take a look at my behavior and make a decision to change it. It was also pointed out that my anxiety and depression medications became less effective with alcohol consumption.

I wasn’t ready to admit that I had a problem, but by the end of September, I stopped ignoring how much control alcohol had over my life and how it was negatively affecting my life. I set the goal to only drink 5 times in the month of October. I reserved my “partying time” for the end of October because I had plans to visit Miami for a few days.

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When we arrived in Miami, it was customary to party with our Floridian friends and we were there to celebrate a friends achievement and it just happened to be my husbands 39th birthday. On October 24, 2015, we started drinking early, pre-gaming before the event that began at 5 p.m. We started with beer and red-bull and vodka since we knew we had to stay awake because we had planned to have an after-party at Scarlett’s, our favorite Club in Miami. We continued to drink bottle after bottle of Grey Goose from 5 until we arrived at the Club. (I can’t even remember when we arrived at the Club because I was already so wasted.) I have very limited memory of the time spent at the Club. We left around 2 a.m., but I don’t remember even leaving, although there was a picture of me awake as we waited for the car from the Valet. The next morning I woke up feeling disoriented and not fully aware of my actions from the night before. I felt so much shame and regret. I could not think coherently. I felt brain dead. I declared once and for all on my friends couch that I didn’t ever want to feel this way again. I shared on Facebook that I made the decision to get sober.

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I have not had a sip of alcohol since around 2 a.m the morning of October 25, 2015. It hasn’t been easy, but I believe getting sober was the best birthday present I could ever give my husband and the best gift I could give my children and myself.

Getting sober has been challenging in ways I never imagined. It has been humbling & extremely eye-opening on so many levels. I have had to learn who the real me is for the first time in my life. I have had to create new habits and routines. I have had to re-evaluate relationships I had. I have had to 100% feel all the feelings that I had ignored and avoided my whole life. I have had to rediscover how to do everything sober. I have had to remind myself nearly every day why I can never go back to drinking..because that one drink today would easily become a case of beer, maybe not in a month, but most definitely within 6 months.

I have held myself publicly accountable and shared my journey openly since day 1, which at first, much to my surprise inspired and influenced others to take a look at their relationship with alcohol and decide to start their sobriety journey too. If it weren’t for the sober community, which turns out to be bigger and more supportive than I ever imagined, I could not have made it as far as I have. I am thankful for everyone who has supported me and kept me inspired along my journey to staying 100% sober. I now can say I am truly living life to its fullest and all my fears that I felt regarding sobriety were completely invalid.

Because of this, I have decided to pursue a Life Coach and Recovery Coach Certification so I can continue to pay it forward.

If you are reading this story and any of it resonates with you, let’s connect. You are not alone. We are not alone. If I can get sober, anyone can. I promise it’s worth it.

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My Interview

I was contacted by TheNativeSociety.com and asked to give an interview.  TheNativeSociety.com serves to connect inspirational content with aspirational readers. They have over 3,000 interviews to date.

I wanted to share with my readers. [Click on this link to visit the Native Society and view my interview]

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What do I do best?
I feel that the thing I do best is I listen and my strength is that I have a good intuition when it comes to people. People come to me for advice because they know I will be honest and forthright with them. People know I have a heart that wants to help, so they often share their problems with me, looking for my insight into their situation.
Part of what makes me an excellent listener is my intuition, but I also ask a lot of questions whenever I am getting to know someone. My goal is never to just be an acquaintance, but to really get to know you and hopefully become one of your closest friends.

If you were to meet me, at first you might not think I am capable of being a good listener.  Living with A.D.D. since childhood I am known to be incredibly impulsive, by randomly blurting out whatever is on my mind. I am a chronic interrupter and almost always switch gears mid-conversation. You would think that these behaviors would impair my ability to listen. My mind seems to have a million thoughts flooding through it every minute. My mind is able to process several things at once, which is why I interrupt a lot.  I am ridiculously observant and attentive, for what appears to be someone who has a short attention span. I also have the gift of remembering things about people and things they have said.

Since I was a toddler, my memory and ability to observe even the slightest changes in an instant, always shocked & impressed adults. I consider myself a great people-person, although I have struggled with relationships my entire life, I believe due to being an adoptee, who was raised by narcissistic adoptive parents. I have always been able to observe people’s behaviors, mannerisms, and body language and be able to tell a lot about them just from observing them. It was part of my survival instincts so to speak. I have always been a very curious person, so it is quite common to find me, asking a stranger tons of questions, that may appear to others that I am interrogating them, but it is just my way of getting to know them, assessing them and the best part is, 99% of the time, people will tell you that I am easy to open up to and easy to trust. I remember every detail about someone’s life and stories they’ve told me. What my husband describes me as “getting into people’s heads”, is what I describe it as “drawing people out”. Strangers open up to me, tell me their troubles, secrets, stories they’ve never told out loud. I love to help people. I love to make them feel like they matter, are important and I love to help people.

What makes me the best version of myself?
I’ve been called stubborn and headstrong all my life. I used to think that was a bad thing, until I learned that what people labeled as stubborn and headstrong was really just RELENTLESSNESS. When the world is going left, I have always been the one to ask “WHY?” and if it didn’t make sense to me, I would go right. As a child I was asked why I always had to go against the grain. One would say that I marched to the beat of my own drum. I was called bossy. I didn’t understand what they meant when I was a child, but now as an adult I realize, that I was just paving my own way.  I was a leader, who people tried to force in a box. I am a rule follower UNLESS the rule makes no sense. If an explanation cannot be provided, then the rebel in me comes out. I have embraced who I am and trust my intuition and that it will lead me on the right path. My relentlessness has been my guiding force, that has kept me from giving up, no matter how hard the challenges were that I faced.

What are my aspirations?
Growing up my only aspiration was to “be happy”. As a young adult, I thought that happiness meant making others happy, but now as an adult who has put a lot of work in to my own personal growth, I now know that I am in control of my happiness and the first person who’s happiness, matters is my own. I aspire to live a long, happy and healthy life and to see my children succeed at being happy with who they are and doing what they love. Professionally, my goals are to publish 2 books, one about my life as a Korean Adoptee and one about my sobriety journey that began in October 2015. (I currently am working on the start of my first book). I plan on staying in the health and fitness industry as a coach, but want to expand what I do to include life-coaching, helping people get out of their own way, by discovering their limiting beliefs that have sabotaged their success and happiness. And my ultimate goal is to become a “Motivational Speaker”. I want to share my story and continue to inspire others to believe in themselves.


My Biggest Success?
My biggest success has been my sobriety. It took a lot of self-reflection, self-awareness, humility, and vulnerability to make the decision to get sober in October 2015, after years of dealing with many forms of addiction (including drug and unhealthy, codependent relationships). I have shared my journey from day 1 and it’s helped me stay accountable as well as help others who desire to become free from their addictions. It’s been a challenging yet eye-opening journey, but it has been worth every step.

My Most Challenging Moment?
I have had many challenging moments in my life, but one of the hardest things I have had to overcome was my alcohol addiction. I chose to get sober on October 25, 2015, which I should have done sooner. It has not been an easy journey and it has been full of obstacles that I didn’t foresee, but it has been 100% worth it. It’s been an uphill battle recreating my routines in a life absent of alcohol. After years of drugs and alcohol addiction, partying became part of my identity and my whole life began to revolve around it, so I have had to reestablish new routines, new friendships and get to know the real me. The blessings and rewards that have come with sobriety far outweigh the challenges that I have faced.


My Motto?
These are my CORE PRINCIPLES – the mantra’s that I live by, the non-negotiables in my life that have become my code of conduct as I have matured and found my purpose.

• Always look for the good in others & always look for the life lesson, no matter how hopeless a situation feels, because there is ALWAYS a silver lining.

• Be honest ALWAYS. Have integrity ALWAYS. ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING!

• Do not give up. Be RELENTLESS. Where there’s a will there’s a way. There isn’t anything you can’t fix!

• Forgive, even if you weren’t asked to. Always apologize!

• Continue to go left when the rest of the world is going right. There is nothing wrong with that! Be YOU, unapologetically YOU!
My Favorite People/Role Models?
As a child, I had no role models. I didn’t know anyone who was successful. I didn’t think that I would or could ever be successful. I didn’t have any role models,  until l I started working on myself in 2012. I started diving into “personal development’ books, courses, and seminars and started studying successful people. I have “mentors” who have greatly impacted my life. Becky Brossett, who introduced me to fitness and thinking BIG was my first role model, that I found at age 31 and to date, is still one of my favorite people. Well known, “motivational speakers” Craig Holiday and Dani Johnson are who made me a believer of investing in myself and helped me see that my past mistakes and failures did not inhibit my ability to succeed, only mind mindset stood in the way. Many other motivational speakers and authors, such as John C. Maxwell, Brene Brown and Charlene Johnson have had a great impact on my mindset and life. But my top 2 favorite people who I look up to the most are Tony Robbins and Carl Daikeler (CEO of Beachbody). These two men have integrity that I highly respect. Their hearts are incredible. They inspire me to be a better person.

My Favorite Places/Destinations?
I haven’t traveled the world, but I have been to many “tropical” destinations, such as Hawaii, Cancun, Cozumel, The Dominican Republic, The Grand Cayman, The Bahamas and Jamaica, but my all-time favorite vacation destination is Destin, Florida. It is where my husband & I honeymooned. It is where we have vacationed kidless and as a family. I love the water and sand & food there. I couldn’t live there, but I could easily vacation there several times a year.

My Favorite Products/Objects?
The one materialistic item that I would not want to live without are my iPhone and MacBook Air. It is how I stay connected with the world. They are tools that give me a voice and the ability to reach many worldwide, sharing my story. They are how I operate my business. And truth be told, I am a sucker for Apple products.

My Current Passion?
My passion has always been people: seeking out love & connection and helping others. For the past 5 1/2 years, fitness has become something I am deeply passionate about as well. My recreation for the majority of my adult life was centered around my social life, a life of partying. Since getting sober, I have found a passion for paddle boarding. I love being on the water. And I love fitness. I feel like paddle boarding is a great mix of relaxation and provides a great workout. I have become a little obsessed with it and tying new things, now that I am sober.

 

If you are reading this and would like to connect, you can find me at www.fb.com/coachmindyhord or www.ig.com/sobermommovement or www.youtube.com/mindyhord or by email at coachmhord@gmail.com.

Surviving the Hurricane

I grew up in a sleepy little TEENY TINY coastal town in Northern California. I convinced myself that all there was to do there was “drink, do drugs, fuck, or fight” because it was such a small, boring town with nothing else to do.

I used to say that all the time. Isn’t it funny how self-absorbed we can be? We have beliefs that have been created by our own version of reality. We live by these belief systems and begin to believe our own BULLSHIT, while trying to convince others.

Whatever you believe comes true. Where you focus, energy flows. If you believe that all there is to do, is party, then you’ll never try to seek out any other options because you’ve convinced yourself that there isn’t any alternative.

In 2001, I moved to Texas. I moved to a town that was nearly 4 times the size of my hometown. Guess what everyone in this area believe? Most of the residents in our county will tell you that all there is to do is drink…….. because it’s a small boring town. Some will tell you it’s “just how things are done around here”. Talk to anyone who drinks frequently or has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and they’ll tell you the same. I’ve met people who live in large cities who’ll tell you that all there is to do is drink.

When I moved to Texas, guess what? I gravitated towards the drinkers. That’s where I felt most at home. I was drunk at my first Texas wedding within the first week of my arrival & hit up my first club within the first month.

I was a partier, but after being a resident of Washington County, Texas for about a year, I have to say I was shocked at how much alcohol was consumed. There was alcohol served at every function and I mean EVERY function. Baby showers, baby’s baptisms, first communions, baby’s 1st birthday parties, you name it. It was “normal”.

Their “normal” became MY “normal”. You know how the saying goes, “If you can’t beat them, join them!”

This weekend we’re being held hostage in our house due to Hurricane Harvey. It’s predicted that our area is going to get about 20″ of rain. Houston and coastal towns like Rockport and Corpus Christi are getting hit HARD, by the heavy rain and high winds. [Keep Texas in your thoughts.].

I saw this on Facebook & I couldn’t help but think about the only 2 “Hurricane weekends” I’ve been through.

Growing up in California, there wasn’t any risk of tornadoes or hurricanes. In 2005 and 2008 I remember tropical storms that potentially threatened our area. My old employer was TERRIFIED of bad weather, so I always got time off whenever the weather seemed the least bit threatening. I remember those two “Hurricane Weekends”. All we did was PARTY for 3-4 days straight at friends. I remember in 2005 sitting outside getting wasted with a bunch of people, then hoping in a friends Winnebago and continuing drinking as we toured the county, with our kids. I remember in 2008, drinking all morning, afternoon and into the night for 3 days and playing wii at a friends house. I can’t remember any conversation that took place over those 2 weekends and don’t even hang out with any of those people anymore.

Hurricanes were just another reason to get wasted. I didn’t think about how thankful I was to be alive. I didn’t ever feel grateful for the fact that my boss paid me during those times he let me off because he wanted to make sure I was with my family and stayed safe. I didn’t think about how the Hurricanes could have came through our town and how unprepared we’d have been and unable to make the best decisions while intoxicated.

But now 671 days sober, I can sit back and reflect on how incredibly lucky I was to have never been harmed, or arrested during my irresponsible moments, that were all fueled by alcohol.

The one thing that sobriety has brought into my life is a greater sense of GRATITUDE & a higher level of self-awareness.

What is your definition of alcoholism and sobriety?

Over the summer, I made the decision to finally write a book, about my life. No sooner, did I set my intentions and shout it out to the universe, I won the book Sober As Fuck from Sarah Ordo on an Instagram contest. It was my first book I read on sobriety which inspired me even more. I highly recommend it. Once I started it, I couldn’t put it down.

To order click here:
http://amzn.to/2wcthgG

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It is so funny how similar all of our stories are, yet how incredibly different they are, as well as our journey towards sobriety. It looks different and feels different for everyone.

My life has been full of struggle, some out of my control that began before I was even born, when I was a child and had no control and in my adult-life, caused by my self-destructive, self-sabotaging behavior. 

My struggles and pain weren’t for nothing. They have become my gift. I share my story openly, in attempts to hold myself accountable while helping others, who feel alone with their own struggles.

My book is still in phase I. I will be sharing my story and life of addiction and sobriety journey, but I also want to include data, collected from others in the Sober Community.

I’d love for you to help me in collecting data, by filling out this form. (It is 100% anonymous, but feel free to reach out to me, if you’d like to share your story or network with me for extra support. Whether you are already on your own path to sobriety or are sober-curious, I’d love to hear from you.) Click on this link to complete the survey.

It’s the start that stops most people

Fear has dissipated.
I finally started on my book. 
On July 4, 2017, I finally put the goal down on paper to write a book. On July 10, 2017, I PUBLICLY declared my intention to write my book. Then I paused. I got stuck. Finally, I started setting some things in motion to get started, but to be honest I got paralyzed by fear, doubt and my lifelong desire to be understood, not rejected and to have everything figured out first crept up.

Tonight, I finally said “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH” and took ACTION because I am never going to reach the 9-month deadline that I set for myself by doing nothing and letting the words stay in my head.

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I got 3 pages so far. If I can do 3 pages every other night and then an hour a day once Rebel is back in school in a few weeks, I will more than likely complete my 1st rough draft in less than 9 months.

Stay tuned. I don’t know what is going to come of this. Maybe only my close friends and my secretive haters will read it, maybe it will be a best-seller. You never know. All I know is that I do have a strong belief in myself and am no longer ashamed of my story. I know that my entrepreneurial spirit that I have summoned from within is telling me to keep living my truth. The Universe is telling me to further my desire, passion, and gift to help others. Thank goodness I LOVE to serve others. You know how the saying goes, love what you do and you will never work another day in your life.

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